Tuesday, December 11, 2018

RSB 10 questions to help me understand why I broke my flour / sugar abstinence after 7 months

From 4/13/2018 to sometime in November I abstained from flour and sugar - no exceptions - and no effort.

Then things started to creep back in; thousand island dressing & ketchup - then some saltine crackers and a slice of rye bread.

I want to know how this happened so that I can prevent it from happening again because saying - I don't eat flour and sugar - and abstaining feels so good. I definitely don't want to go any further down that rabbit hole.

In Bright Line Eating (BLE) one of the tools Susan Pierce Thompson gives is the:


There is a series of 10 questions to ask yourself. I am asking and answering them here.

1 What was the situation? What happened?
I don't remember when I first thought it was okay to eat thousand island dressing or ketchup. The flour I remember clearly. I have recently moved out of my mom's house and in with my daughter. I was back at mom's and figuring out supper. I decided on tomato soup and cheese. But I didn't want just the cheese. I wanted something 'crunchy' with the cheese so I opened a pack of saltines. They did not taste like anything. I decided to make a grill cheese sandwich. One of the rye bread slices was as big as 2 ordinary pieces of bread so I cut it in half.
Not gonna lie - that grilled cheese tasted delicious.
But my stomach felt awful afterwards.

2 What led up to it? How had I been feeling?
For a couple of months now major decisions need to be made in my life and - of necessity - 2 very stubborn - very indecisive people - have input in those decisions. My daughter's health is also very scary. So fear and frustration loom large.

3 What sabotaging thoughts did I have right before I picked up the bite?
"I don't have anything crunchy. A couple of saltines once will be okay."
"I can't just eat tomato soup by itself."
"I can't just eat French fries by themselves."
"Right now the only salad dressing that sounds good is 1000 island."

4 How do I feel now that I've crossed the Bright Lines?
Very disappointed in myself. Afraid I won't be able to rezoom.

5 Did I write down my food last night?
No. Some time ago I stopped doing that. In fact, I stopped keeping any bright lines except no flour & no sugar. James Clear is very clear about the importance of this. I am not prepared to rezoom this but I am working at becoming willing to. When I do I have a blogpost already partially written.

6 Have I been using my Nightly Checklist Sheet and other tools?
I never started using that tool. It looks overwhelming and over complicated. I will examine it more closely.

7 Did I take any actions to protect my Bright Lines before eating?
No. It is scary how easily I gave in to my old warped thinking. I thought about calling a couple of people first but I didn't.

8 What could I do differently next time?
Pick up the phone and call some one. Tell them what I am thinking of doing and listen to them talk be down.

9 What have I learned?
That I can not afford to be complacent. I need to be vigilant in watching out for the thoughts that lead me to break my lines.

10 What action can I commit to taking RIGHT NOW that will support me in my Bright Line Eating Journey?
I commit to no sugar / no flour being Bright Lines that I will not break today. And tomorrow. And forever. But especially today. I will immediately get rid of the thousand island dressing. I will not ask for or accept ketchup. I will not justify eating flour for any reason.

In fact - I want to examine whether or not I need to give up grains entirely. That is the subject for another blogpost.

For now - no thanks. I don't eat flour or sugar. Wednesday 12/12 will be day 1 - the first full day.

Friday, November 23, 2018

RSB checkin...BLT's...'Whatever it takes'


I ended my last post with the notion that my BLE will not feel legit if I am forced to eat more than 3 meals - even though Susan Pierce Thompson okays it if you have had weight loss surgery. I had sleeve surgery in 2014 and my stomach has not stretched out; usually a pro but a bit of a con when it comes to adhering to BLE.

Another principle of BLE is 'WHATEVER IT TAKES.'

It may take more than 3 meals a day for me.

When I looked for the other BLE plans I found a 5 meal plan (no 4 meal that I could find.)

I attempted to adhere to that today.

I have been off my BLE (except NO FLOUR NO SUGAR*) since 9/3 so almost 12 weeks.

I automatically did BLT'S (which is Susan's thing for taking bites, licks or tastes between meals). I was putting my fruit together and I ate a mandarin piece before I sat down to my meal. And my mom handed me smoked gouda to taste before purchase and I ate it without thought until after I had already swallowed.

James Clear Atomic Habits refers to something called Pointing and Calling. I am probably abusing it here - but I'm going to do it anyway.

Shortly after this I had a stressful emotional thing happen. And I ate emotionally the rest of the night. I am incapable of 'binge-ing' because of my stomach capacity. When I eat off plan - as I did the rest of this day - it involves eating things like tortilla chips and eating too many meals.

The day after this was Thanksgiving and I went in to the holiday (a 12 hour work day for me) with an undocumented plan to not be on BLE. I ate 5 very small meals. Each meal included a little bit of fruit. Some of the meals also included a small amount of mashed potato and green bean casserole - and / or a little bit of cheese ball with tortilla chips.

Today so far I have eaten twice. One meal was a breakfast of 2 sausage patties, a small amount of leftover mashed potatoes and some apple slices. Meal two was a very mini meal of 2 string cheese and some apple slices.

Break time will be cheese and apple slices.

Not sure after that.

In the category of 'whatever it takes' I need to commit. To something. Something healthy that will keep the scale moving down.

In the category of NSV (non scale victories) I am wearing a pair of purple pants that I love that I could not wear until I lost the last pounds!

*NO FLOUR NO SUGAR is now part of my identity - Susan Pierce Thompson and James Clear both talk about this kind of change.

Tuesday, November 20, 2018

RSB check in with James Clear Atomic Habits tie in


Currently I am not completely surrendered to BLE. Today I worked at it some.

Breakfast was 2 oz of ham (supposed to be 4 but I can't eat that much) and 6 oz canned peaches. Skip the grain.

Lunch had some violations. I  had nachos. The tortilla chip ingredients were corn, lime and oil so I don't feel to bad about that. I didn't measure or weigh them. I  ate the 2ozs left from breakfast protein as leftover crockpot pork and a serving of protein as 2 oz shredded cheese. I did not weigh the peppers because I knew I could not eat a full serving. I topped it off with unmeasured too much sour cream. I could only eat about 3/4 of the meal. Notice no fruit.

The nachos remind me of a modern day food industry thing that I have fallen prey to that makes me mad.

Bloody damn food scientists who are making their money helping the food industry sell their products even though they know damn well it is making us a fat unhealthy society have many sneaky mean tactics - one of which is called 'dynamic contrasts'.

Paraphrasing James Clear foods with dynamic contrasts are foods with combinations of sensations like crunchy and creamy. With natural unprocessed food you get the same sensation over and over. The tenth bite of green beans tastes the same as the first. Your brain loses interest and you feel full. Foods with a lot of dynamic contrasts keep you eating beyond full because they are interesting.

Reminds me of the idea -keep your food boring black and white so you can live your life in glorious color.

Anywho-supper was 4 oz grilled hamburger steak. I grilled peppers and mushrooms beside. 6 oz of green beans is too much so I weighed 3. Had 1/2 baked  sweet potato which was 6 ozs with unmeasured too much butter. Too much for me to eat. Threw away half. Note no salad and still haven't finished fruit.

I am sort of using a technique James Clear talks about; Pointing  and - Calling.

Today's BLE infractions were: tortilla chips; too many grains; not enough vegetables; too much butter and sour cream; not eating all my food and therefore not enough protein. Eating a fourth meal of 6 oz of fruit.

When I reach willingness to completely surrender to BLE - due to my weight loss surgery - my BLE may have to be the 4 meal version. I hate that. It feels like my BLE will not be legit.

I am going to try the 'nachos' again tomorrow EXCEPT no chips -a measured amount of corn instead; and my base will be a full amount of peppers; and a measured amount of sour cream. Take that you sold out immoral food scientists. Off to Venus* to fry for all of you.

*Don't believe in hell and Venus is the hottest planet.