Wednesday, July 27, 2011

The Best Medicine

Someone sent me this in an e-mail. Not sure where it originated, but it will lighten a heavy heart, that's for sure.

 Subject: Children writing about the ocean
1- This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles.   (Kelly,  age 6)                                                        
2) - Oysters' balls are called pearls. (Jerry, age  6)
3) - If you are surrounded by ocean, you are an island.  If you don't  have ocean all round you, you are incontinent.   (, age  7) 

4) - Sharks are  ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily  Richardson She's not my  friend any more.   (Kylie, age 6) 
5) - A dolphin  breaths through an asshole on the top of its head..  (Billy, age  8)                                                                      
6) - My uncle goes out in his boat with 2 other men and a  woman and pots and comes back with crabs.  (Millie, age  6)
7) - When ships  had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes when  the wind didn't blow the sailors would whistle to  make the wind come.  My  brother said they would have been better off eating beans.  (William,  age7)                                                                      
8) -  Mermaids live in the ocean. I like mermaids. They are beautiful and I like  their shiny tails, but how on earth do mermaids get pregnant?     Like,  really?   (Helen, age 6)
9) - Some fish  are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting.  Electric eels can give you a shock..  They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug  themselves in to chargers.  (Christopher, age  7)
10) - When you  go swimming in the ocean, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small.  (Kevin, age 6)
11)  - Divers have to be safe when they go under the water.  Divers can't go down alone, so they have to go down on each other.  (Becky, age 8)
12) - On  vacation my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was  going very fast.  She says she won't do it again because water fired right up her big fat ass.  (Julie, age 7)
13)  - The ocean is made up of water and fish.  Why the fish don't drown I don't know.  (Bobby, age 6)
14) - My dad was a sailor on the ocean He knows all  about the ocean.    What he doesn't know is why he quit being a sailor and married my mom.   (James, age 7) 

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Romance Comedy Novel: Mad About Mia, Author: Millie Criswell

If you like Crusie try Criswell

“Damn, but it was hard to hate a man whose taste in chocolate was this good!” Mad About Mia by Millie Criswell
<This upon finding a two pound box of chocolates in her underwear drawer.>

"Everyone knew happiness pounds were the hardest to lose."  Mad About Mia by Millie Criswell
<On the surface that would seem to resonate truth but I’m not sure I believe it. I think pounds are hard to lose no matter what put them on and the problem is physical in nature, not emotional.>

I found this author on a list - if you like Jennifer Crusie try: Millie Criswell. It would have been cruel to expect Crusie level genius and I didn’t expect or find it.

I did find some commonalities, though;

Quirky characters that I loved - “Dad will be the one in sequins. He’s a cross-dresser…” Mad About Mia by Millie Criswell

Snarky dialogue - “Mia stared meaningfully at the woman’s low-cut dress and exposed cleavage. “And how do I know that your boobs are real? I bet you have enough silicone in there to float a ship.” Mad About Mia by Millie Criswell

I hate romance novels and even other novels with a side of romance, where the two eventual lovebirds spend very little time together. Crusie doesn’t do that. Her lovers always have lots of face time. So do Criswells.

Criswell does one thing that Crusie hates and rarely does - deceit. One lover is deceiving the other in some way and there is the big reveal / betrayal.

All in all Mad About Mia was a light, enjoyable read. It appears to be the last in a 4 book series about a group of friends. The other books are - What To Do About Annie, The Trouble With Mary, The Trials of Angela.

Criswell has written 26 romance novels. She’s won many awards. I didn’t find anything after 2006 or any mention of why she hasn’t written anything since then.

"Well," said Pooh, "what I like best," and then he had to stop and think.  Because although Eating Honey was a very good thing to do, there was a moment just before you began to eat it which was better than when you were, but he didn't know what it was called.  ~A.A. Milne

Knowing that Millie Criswell has a whole backlog of books just waiting for me to read 'em, I'm experiencing one of those moments,
y’all. And maybe I'll eat some honey, too.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Cranky to Happy in no time flat

BettyVerse readers - I'll be the featured columnist on Tuesday July 26th and Tuesday August 2nd. They're both blogs kind of like novel truths but with a different sort of a kick. If you aren't a BettyVerse reader, there's no time like the present to Check. It. Out.

Hell week is over for now. My schedule is leveling out. I feel like I've been in 'on' position for a long time and I've just been allowed to turn 'off' for a while.

Over in Julieland we're talking about joy. I'm so silly, sometimes. It can be a major effort to drag myself to the pool. Then when I 'm there, my body is so joyfully happy to be moving around in the water.

Other things that give me joy - fun with my grandkids; writing Hungry Ghosts. Today I wrote some on the next installment and it involved solving some logistical, technical things. Pretty soon I've gone from cranky to happy. Go figure.

And I got the air conditioner fixed on my car. In 100+ high humidity weather, ain't nothing more joyful than a fully functioning air conditioner!

So while y'all contemplate what's giving you joy - I'll just go on living this gravy train with biscuit wheels life of mine.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Romance Novels: Comforting books

Mashed Potatoes With Gravy and a Really Good Book

I'm having the week from hell so I've been rereading COMFORT books. You know:

Any book by Jennifer Crusie, currently Welcome To Temptation

Several Rachel Gibson's but this time, Truly, Madly Yours, an old one that I love, and Any Man of Mine, her latest that I love

Any Erin McCarthy, currently her latest, The Chase

All of Lani Diane Rich's, currently The Comeback Kiss

That's not to say that I haven't read a new book or two. Mostly because I am comforted by the fact that the author always delivers an HEA I can get behind. Sometimes an HFN (happily for now) will work but the way things are going I really need my HEA's.

Stephanie Bond's new, Baby, Come Home - The second book in the Southern Roads trilogy. They are in order; Baby, Drive South (May, 2011), Baby, Come Home (June 2011) and Baby, Don't Go (coming out in November, 2011)

Apparently Bond has put a hold on the Body Mover's series, which I love, because there is some activity about making it a tv series. I wish someone would point out to her that if Evanovich had been bullied into waiting for the One For the Money movie to be actual reality before continuing with her Plum books, they probably would have stalled out at #10.

I hesitate to say this but I feel I must. The book that has given me the most pleasure, the most throw-back-my-head-and-laugh-with-abandon moments, lately is a book by Dav Pilkey entitled, Super Diaper Baby 2. It's not meant to be a grown up book, the villain is accidentally turned into a pee monster. Yes, that's pee as in pee pee.

My grandson counted the days until the book came out. Then when it arrived he, my granddaughter and I, sat down to read it. It's hysterically funny. There's a take-off on How The Grinch Stole Christmas by Dr. Zeuss that almost made me pee.

I don't want to make promises I can't keep so I am going to say tenatively that I'll be back with a post laden with truth that I've gleaned from some new novel someday after the temperatures have gone down (currently in the 90's with a heat index of 100+) and the humidity has gone down (currently in the 'you-won't-be-able-to-breath-if-you-step-outside-range) and my car is fixed (broke down on a dark, windy, highway on my way to report to work at 1am last evening) and the oven works (lightning struck it 3 weeks ago) and the refrigerator is fixed (compressor is going out).

On the bright side, the pool reopened and I swam today!

What's giving you comfort at the moment?

BTW the one thing that continues to give me pleasure regardless of what's going on in my life at the moment, is writing Hungry Ghosts so - everybody knock wood as they read this - they should continue to appear every Friday with no problem.

Thursday, July 7, 2011


My brother sent me this. Don't know where it originated from but it's funny so I thougt I'd share.

I looked up the word PARAPROSDOKIANS in the dictionary

Here is the definition:
"Figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently used in a humorous situation."

"Where there's a will, I want to be in it," is a type of paraprosdokian.
3. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit.. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

8. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good Evening,' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

10. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.

12. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'

13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.

17. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

18. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

19. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

20. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.

21. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.

22. You're never too old to learn something stupid.

23. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

24. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

25. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

26. A diplomat is someone who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you look forward to the trip.

27. Hospitality is making your guests feel at home even when you wish they were.

28. I always take life with a grain of salt. Plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.

29. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
Words of Wisdom
"The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."

Ok, so now enjoy!
1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list