Tuesday, August 23, 2011

The ARC of ALNM & random subjects

Subject: Why Lucy March should let me read an ARC of ALNM.

Because, because, because, because, because, because of the wonderful things that I does.

Like moving turtles across the road so they won't get hit. Okay I don't do that, I just think about it but then I'm too afraid of turtles to do it.

Like picking up trash from other people's lawns. Okay I don't do that either because around here, they might shoot me. Again, I do think about doing it.

Like baking cookies for the mechanics who fixed my car really fast (because one is my neighbor) despite the fact that they had a lot full of cars. Okay, I didn't do that because I was afraid one of them may have been diabetic.

Maybe she should just let me read one because I really want to and I've written half a blog post about it! And I own all her other books. Have read them all. Am a fan. Have taken 2 of her wonderful writing classes.

And I'm willing to beg. Please, please, please!

Subject: shopping. I hate it. I just spent an hour driving to the nearest plus-size store. It is filled with short blouses. Big women don't want short blouses. They try to disguize the shortness by displaying them on skinny models. Naturally a blouse that is meant for a 4x person will look long on a size 4 model. That doesn't mean I'm going to be stupid enough to buy it. Duh.

Subject: online shopping. It has drawbacks, too. But at least the selection is bigger and if you're resourceful you can pay for the clothes & expedited shipping for the same price as any item in the plus-size store that I just drove an hour to reach.

Subject: gambling. I like it. Not to the point of it being an addiction. But I have seriously considered how to go about becoming a professional gambler. It sounds like fun.

Subject: Fiber 1 Brownies. I love brownies. And I like other things from Fiber 1. So when I saw F1Brownies advertised - I thought - yeah, those would be a healthy alternative. Naturally I can't find them anywhere. Has anyone else tasted them?

Subject: job searching. It is one confidence-shredding, activity.

Subject: Weeds. I love that show. Not sure why. But I love Mary-Louise Parker so maybe that's why. And I think Jenji Kohan is a funny, courageous, genius of a woman!

There you have it. A very late Tuesday blogpost!


  1. Amen to the short shirts. And, while we're at it, can we get a moratorium on low-rise jeans in the plus-sized section? Look, I'm a size 16 with PCOS. I don't need low-rise anything. I need a pair of pants with girdle-like qualities. Are you hearing me, jeans manufacturers? Your pants that "instantly slim your tummy!" can't possibly do so when they only reach the hips. The size two girl you designed them for doesn't need anything instantly slimmed.

    Okay, rant over. FGBVs coming at you for the job search.

  2. Judy, e-mail me your address. You're getting an ARC! :)

  3. Hate online shopping. I never like the fit, or the fabric itches, or clings, or something. So I gave that up after too many returns.

    I prefer to do everything in the physical form. Must crush fabric between fingers, must try on in terrible lighting that makes me look ill, and while looking into mirrors that make me look slimmer. Ha ha. Then I get the clothing home and try it on and ask, "What the hell was I thinking?"

  4. Delia, just as bad for short people. I keep finding LONG tops (they have to be wide enough for my line-backer shoulders, and my, ya know, middle region).

    Lucy.... gah! You are a goddess!

    Robena, I'm very tactile too, must TOUCH everything.

    Judy, only a few more days to ride out this retrograde shit!

  5. Hehehe - I already sent the address. I can't wait! Lucy March aka Lani Diane Rich ROCKS!!!!
    Also, I found Fiber1 Brownies so I'll keep y'all informed!

    Delia - I hear you sister!

    Julie - I never thought about that problem. Why do clothing manufacturers continue to make clothes for tall stick figures when most of us aren't.

    Robena - I do like textiles but I don't like clothes shopping. Now set me loose in Hancock's Fabrics...

  6. I hadn't heard about Fiber 1 Brownies, I'll look for them. It does occur to me however that you could regret it if you went off on a binge on brownies that have 20% of your daily fiber in ever single one. Just sayin.

    I am so envious of your ARC. Enjoy it and let us know what you think-- well, as much as you can, anyway.

  7. Barb - No worries about my overindulging on F1 Brownies. See new post in about 5 minutes.

  8. Dude! ARC envy!

    @Julie, Remember, hemming is easier than adding fabric. :)

  9. Hmm... I like somewhat low rise jeans, pants--I like them just above my hip bone. Cause I wear my shirts long anyway. I don't wear high waisted jeans with a shirt tucked in, it would feel too 80s! I'm tall, though, so all my problems are with finding things to fit long arms, long waists, long legs. Old Navy does alright.

    Way to rock the ARC!! You have magical powers. :-)

    It's not hard to make healthier brownies from scratch, unless you have an aversion to baking of course. They're a very versatile sort of baking thing. They can be made without eggs (less cholesterol) or you can use apple sauce instead of oil, and you can use whole wheat flour. And then you don't have to suffer at the hands of perfidious marketers!