Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Metaphysical exercise: Forgiveness

A special kind of Julie torture

Okay, covert ops. Or, at the very least, vague references.

I'm smack dab in the middle of you know where, blogging about you know what. (If you don't know, then go to this Julieland blogpost and read my comment. Or stay tuned until I can be a little less covert and I'll explain.)

Big let down. Covert ops didn't work because I forgot that the person who sits in the cubicle behind me is my boss. When he first moved me there, I thought maybe I was needing more supervision. Then I realized he put me there because I'm less annoying than my coworkers who are mostly college kids. (Not that all college kids are annoying but the ones I work with...)

So anywho, I'm writing this from the relative safety of the computer room in my home.

Over in Julieland the card of the day said:
"The answer to your question involves letting go of resentment, judgment, and anger. You already know who or what to forgive: it’s the first person or situation that comes to mind."

The first thing that occurred to me was - work. Then I thought, that is so stupid because in the grand scheme of my life my j.o.b. is about as important to me as

 in a room full of

Well, I do have a lot of irritation about work. And for reasons I will explain later, I probably need to let them go.

So many lies are told at work. And not just my work. The majority of workplaces. And don't try to tell me all about your heaven of a workplace because 'most' would only require 51% and I know 51% of workplaces are telling some lies.

You know what I'm going to do with those lies?

That's right. I'm going to write them on paper and throw them into a trash can labeled dirty rotten lies and then I'm going to burn them. Symbolically. Obviously I'm not going to do it literally because that would require, well, effort.

Big, bad, dirty, rotten, lie - we're not really concerned that much about money / profit / the ridiculous salaries of our upper management and stock holders - our number one concern is patient / client / customer concern or welfare.

Uh huh. On the side of the building that I'm working in right now, that's kind of true. Because it has to be. Because there are laws that make it so. But you don't fool me. I worked on the other side of the building. There you are paying people to pretend they are giving excellent whatever to your patient / client / customers when they are actually empowered to do


And you have set up your training of your poor employees so that it takes them a while to figure out that they are being paid to mislead people.

The people being misled are not having fun, either. Unlike these people on Monty Python:

Because my company, and others, are operating without integrity, and for many, many, many other reasons, people working there (and elsewhere) are


These sad, bitter people do a lot of things that are UGLY.

And it makes me furious because I don't like the world they are creating and my grandchildren will have to live and function in that world.

So guess what is in this jar?

Ashes, yes. But whose ashes?

The ashes of my coworkers who


And there are separate jars for the ones who have long, loud conversations where the concept of a 'yankee' is a real, negative thing.

I think some of you know that I am an atheist. But I want to live in a world where I can be an atheist and you can be whatever you want, including a xtian. It is difficult to not develop resentment for xtians when you work in a place where people have all kinds of bible verses, crosses and sayings hung prominently, yet you see them every day doing petty things and evil things, to their coworkers. And making statements that let you know, you need to keep quiet about your beliefs or they will quietly make sure you are fired for manufactured reasons that you can't fight.

There's a special, special jar of ashes for these faux pious people.

This is not paranoia on my part. I have accidentally discovered 2 other atheists who work there and they both agree, undercover, or fired.

So, I fling all of this bad energy out into the light so it can burn up in the sun.

Why do I do that? Because there's a reason. You know there is. Mama don't do nothing without a payoff. (Actually that's not true to a ridiculous extent but another time for that.)

The payoff is this: "You are preparing for a wonderful new chapter of your life, and forgiveness is part of your preparation. It is a refreshing and deeply healing shower of love that cleanses you inside and out. This gives you energy, stamina, and high self-esteem, and it frees you to be yourself."

Again from the same Julieland blogpost from the FORGIVENESS card out of the Saints & Angels Oracle Cards by Doreen Virtue.

All this letting go so that one day I can make a living without a j.o.b. and sing along with this song:

Some of you are familiar with Louise Hay. Way, way back in the day, I studied her work some. One of her affirmations sticks to me like a little piece of plastic that refuses to be flicked away, and I use it in this instance.


What or who do you need to forgive and why?


  1. great post, excellent use of pictures. (does that qualify as a rebus?) and that is a totally awesome affirmation from Louise Hay. love.

    I'm working on not necessarily forgiving but letting go of bitterness around some decisions that dh and I have made over the years. I've never been all that happy about them, but I never did a damn thing about it, either. So I can be angry at him, but I can't BLAME him. Times are changing. I'm not as dumb as I used to be. And much to my surprise, he seems pretty OK with that. I just have to get rid of the anger and bitterness about the past.

    1. Barb - I'm glad he's good with you growing and changing. That should make the letting to easier.

  2. My mom and I have a name for THOSE kind of xtians. They are Smug Christians. As in, because I have Jesus as my lord and savior all my sins are forgiven so I don't really have to worry about whether or not I'm sinning or what my behavior is or if it really corresponds to my spoken beliefs because Jesus loves me!! Excuse me while I go gag quietly in the corner.

    I just did a search for some liberal Christian posters/stickers/ etc. you could put up and am so incredibly entertained (and, yeah, these are good if you're atheist too). Check this one out: http://www.cafepress.com/+youre_thinking_of_jesus_rectangle_magnet,508075970
    or this lovely shirt: http://www.cafepress.com/+stop_using_jesus_black_tshirt,37403929 or this less confrontational but still really good one: http://www.cafepress.com/+womens_long_sleeve_dark_tshirt,134435958
    or this little sticker: http://www.cafepress.com/+god_of_choice_bless_you_sticker_oval,19245562
    Ok. That was fun.

    I'm sorry your work is being hell. It is horrible to have to get up every damn morning and go spend 8 or more hours being somewhere you hate. FGBVs.

    1. The second one is my favorite. :)

  3. I love, love, love your blog and today gets even more loving from me.

    The whole work thing with the backstabbing etc. I just recently, November 23rd to be exact, came to realize that it happens in my universe too. I was so blind I didn't have a clue. Now that my eyes are open I've found that I can go back to being that seeminly oblivious fool, and yet I know to be cautious.

    Who do I need to forgive? Myself. I have some anger issues over how my sister elbowed me out of my mother's life by telling terrible lies about me. I have issues with my mother for believing that I could ever be such a horrible person. I need to forgive myself for not fighting back and making my mother realize that not every word out of my sisters mouth was the truth. I'm working on the forgiveness, but it is a process.

    In the end I was there for my mom, but it doesn't make up for all the missed years.

    1. The world is a different place when you take off the rose colored glasses. I wouldn't trade reality for all the whitewash at Sherman Williams, though.

  4. Some days I fantasize about going to places like that and just oozing Yankee all over their cubicles. Oh, I'm sorry. You mean I wasn't supposed to respect my fellow frickin human beings? My mistake.

    1. I feel that way about a certain parade that happens locally. The first year I was here, they actually had rebel flags in the parade. I haven't been back since then but I heard they don't allow them in the parade anymore. So now people just wave them or drive around in vehicles with big rebel flags stuck somewhere promintent.
      It's like a big sign that says, "I'm a bigoted, bully asshole."

  5. Yes, being a liberal, independent-toward-democrat, atheist here in the Bible Belt is a difficult thing. You can't talk about your beliefs; in a short job I had, I made the mistake of believing that one of the bosses meant it when he said everybody is allowed their own opinion, that's what was great about our country. Then he shouted me down when I ventured to say something good about our President. So I've learned to be quiet and have connected with people who are either like me or else believe we are all allowed our own opinions truly. But we all remain quiet so we don't have problems with our jobs or other professional colleagues.

    1. Oh yeah, it's not okay to say nice things about the Obama's here, either. I've actually heard them talk about his intelligence as if it were a drawback.
      Like what we really want is a stupid, uneducated man to lead the country.

  6. I will have to wait to sign up for Bootcamp. I don't generally use Yahoo, while they have reactivated my account, they say it will take 24 hours. So I'll for sure sign up tomorrow. YAY!!

    1. Thanks for letting me know. Now if we just have one more!

  7. Maybe I need to forgive your work for treating you so badly. But I don't like your work so I don't want to forgive them. Join me as I rebel against work and the lies and tyranny. We can live in brightly colored airstream trailers, supported by our fans.

    (Dreamer, nothing but a dreamer.)

    1. Now see you joke but I, too, have always wanted an airstream type of vehicle to travel around in. I used to read the want ads for dolphins and chinooks because they get so much more miles to the gallon.
      I attempt to forgive them for 2 reasons - 1 - I want to move beyond them and 2 - they do what they do largely out of fear and ignorance.
      I just get furious when I think of my gkids having to live in the world these kind of people are creating.

  8. Wow. This aspect of certain states is SO foreign to me. I can't even imagine living in that atmosphere. Totally, totally foreign. So to add that to the general lie-ing-ness of a workplace... bleh! fgbvs. I like your burning plan.