From 4/13/2018 to sometime in November I abstained from flour and sugar - no exceptions - and no effort.
Then things started to creep back in; thousand island dressing & ketchup - then some saltine crackers and a slice of rye bread.
I want to know how this happened so that I can prevent it from happening again because saying - I don't eat flour and sugar - and abstaining feels so good. I definitely don't want to go any further down that rabbit hole.
In Bright Line Eating (BLE) one of the tools Susan Pierce Thompson gives is the:
PERMISSION TO BE HUMAN ACTION PLAN.
There is a series of 10 questions to ask yourself. I am asking and answering them here.
1 What was the situation? What happened?
I don't remember when I first thought it was okay to eat thousand island dressing or ketchup. The flour I remember clearly. I have recently moved out of my mom's house and in with my daughter. I was back at mom's and figuring out supper. I decided on tomato soup and cheese. But I didn't want just the cheese. I wanted something 'crunchy' with the cheese so I opened a pack of saltines. They did not taste like anything. I decided to make a grill cheese sandwich. One of the rye bread slices was as big as 2 ordinary pieces of bread so I cut it in half.
Not gonna lie - that grilled cheese tasted delicious.
But my stomach felt awful afterwards.
2 What led up to it? How had I been feeling?
For a couple of months now major decisions need to be made in my life and - of necessity - 2 very stubborn - very indecisive people - have input in those decisions. My daughter's health is also very scary. So fear and frustration loom large.
3 What sabotaging thoughts did I have right before I picked up the bite?
"I don't have anything crunchy. A couple of saltines once will be okay."
"I can't just eat tomato soup by itself."
"I can't just eat French fries by themselves."
"Right now the only salad dressing that sounds good is 1000 island."
4 How do I feel now that I've crossed the Bright Lines?
Very disappointed in myself. Afraid I won't be able to rezoom.
5 Did I write down my food last night?
No. Some time ago I stopped doing that. In fact, I stopped keeping any bright lines except no flour & no sugar. James Clear is very clear about the importance of this. I am not prepared to rezoom this but I am working at becoming willing to. When I do I have a blogpost already partially written.
6 Have I been using my Nightly Checklist Sheet and other tools?
I never started using that tool. It looks overwhelming and over complicated. I will examine it more closely.
7 Did I take any actions to protect my Bright Lines before eating?
No. It is scary how easily I gave in to my old warped thinking. I thought about calling a couple of people first but I didn't.
8 What could I do differently next time?
Pick up the phone and call some one. Tell them what I am thinking of doing and listen to them talk be down.
THE OPPOSITE OF ADDICTION IS SOCIAL CONNECTION.
9 What have I learned?
That I can not afford to be complacent. I need to be vigilant in watching out for the thoughts that lead me to break my lines.
10 What action can I commit to taking RIGHT NOW that will support me in my Bright Line Eating Journey?
I commit to no sugar / no flour being Bright Lines that I will not break today. And tomorrow. And forever. But especially today. I will immediately get rid of the thousand island dressing. I will not ask for or accept ketchup. I will not justify eating flour for any reason.
In fact - I want to examine whether or not I need to give up grains entirely. That is the subject for another blogpost.
For now - no thanks. I don't eat flour or sugar. Wednesday 12/12 will be day 1 - the first full day.